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Meditation

I realised I made a bad choice to make yoga my first exercise goal, as I got a new tattoo in the centre of my back on Thursday and I'm just in too much pain to do the asanas properly. For the past few days I've been too busy to really feel bad about myself for doing not much physical activity, but tonight I was reading a book on meditation which I borrowed from the library. I've never properly learnt to meditate - tried, but never had the devotion to see it through. I think I just never had anybody to teach me, and didn't have much instruction apart from, "Just clear your mind". But this book is fantastic. I tried a small exercise where I attempted to focus on the inward goal (which was the goal to meditate itself) and you wouldn't believe the amount of thoughts that kept flying into my mind. It really is hard to clear your head! But this book made me feel a lot better by saying that the art of concentration is difficult, and not something to be conquered in days or weeks - which is precisely why it requires devotion. So I believe I shall make this my current physical goal - attempting each day to master the art of concentration is peaceful, good for the long term, and can't hurt my poor tender back. (Getting more added to it Thursday week - so I'll be in pain for a little while).

I haven't weighed myself lately as my period is coming and I just don't want to feel bad about myself. Also I keep forgetting to weigh myself first thing when I wake up, and getting a reading after I've already eaten a meal or two just isn't accurate. So no numbers for you as of yet.

The meat thing is going well though. Although it was my sister's birthday lunch today and my mother made ham and beef and chicken and...salad. Yep, all I could eat was salad. Oh and bread. I don't want to make life difficult for anybody, least of all Mum, but it would be nice if I could have something "meaty" too. Not that I want to eat actual meat but it wouldn't be too difficult for her to make me a small veggie lasagne, or roasted veggies, or even some salmon since I still eat fish. I made a comment that when it's my birthday I want Indian, and my sister said, "Mmm! Chicken tandoori!" and I said, "No, we're not having chicken". She said, "Why not?" and I replied, "Because I'm a vegetarian". She goes, "Well what are the rest of us going to eat?" I go, "Look at this, there's nothing special for ME to eat today and you don't hear me complaining". How passive agressive was that, lol. 

Anyway I am beginning the week of the "angers". The Pill that I'm on just doesn't seem to agree with my moods and the week before my period I go completely off the deep end. I'm not particularly bitchy but every. little. thing. INFURIATES me. But because I don't want to yell at the people around me I repress it all and then I'm the one who suffers. Yet why should they put up with me being horrible just coz my period's coming? Aaaargh. I've got to find a way to master these moods so if meditation and an improved diet doesn't help I may ask my gynecologist to put me on a different pill.

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March 2008

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